Merry Christmas!!

Ahhh Christmas Eve.  The time of year where people are supposed to be in the holiday spirit.  A time of giving, a time of caring, a time of loving, a time for family.  At least, that's how it should be.  You'd think that maybe... just maybe... people could put aside their own crap and be kind to one another.  Maybe people would get tired of doing nothing but bitch about stuff all year but nooooo.  I mean, aside from people all but murdering each other to save a few bucks on gifts during all the "holiday deals", you have people getting butthurt over the way you choose to wish them well.

"Joyous Kwanza to you!"
"Joyous Kwanza?!? YOU BARBARIAN!  HOW DARE YOU! I AM A CHRISTIAN I AM OFFENDED!"

Really people?  I honestly don't give a shit how you wish me well over this holiday season.  I don't care if you say "Joyous Kwanza", "Happy Hanukkah", "Merry Christmas", "Happy Winter Solstice" or whatever... if you're taking the time out of your day to wish me well, I'm going to wish you well right back, and I am not going to be offended as to how you choose to wish me well.  That's part of the beauty of this country... we're allowed to have different beliefs and different views and different religions... but that does not mean that your beliefs or views are any more or less important than my own, nor mine yours.  Anyone who would get offended by something like that needs one of those government issued helmets I suggested previously.  Get over yourselves. But I digress...

Part of what I have a problem with is what people choose to find important to bitch and get all up in arms about.  Like this recent holiday commercial.  Hell look at the comments!!!  Referring to the ad as "disgusting" and an "abomination" and talking of boycotting K-Mart.  Really?!?! Over that?!?!  I'll link the video if you don't feel like reading the article... and I'm doing that mostly because I freaking love this commercial!  I mean seriously... it's like one of my favorite commercials.

"This commercial is disgusting! What if it comes on and *gasp* my children are around?!?"

So fucking what?!!  You mean to tell me that this commercial is worse than the Herbal Essence commercials featuring women having freaking orgasms on airplanes or wherever?!?!  That this commercial is worse than the perfume ads or other commercials where there's two people practically doing the horizontal polka (that's "fornicating" or "fucking" for anyone who doesn't know)?!?  What about the vibrator commercials?!?  *ahem* Err.. I'm sorry... my agent is advising me that they're "personal massagers", my bad. You cannot tell me with a straight face that this most excellent K-Mart commercial is worse than any of those commercials. I'd like to know where in the hell is the uproar over those commercials being "inappropriate" for children?!  Actually please... no more uproars over stupid shit. Here's an even better suggestion... how about... instead of getting in an uproar over the K-Mart commercial, you *gasp* actually monitor what you have on your own damn television when your kids are around and quit worrying about what's on mine?  Change the channel?  Turn the TV off period?  I could totally understand if they actually showed the man-parts... or had women kneeling in front of the guys bobbing their heads to the tune in getting upset about it, but this?

What about Disney movies?  There are so many Disney movies with adult humor in them.  You know, things that adults will catch onto but a child's innocent mind will not.  Disney movies have been that way for as long as I can remember. I grew up with Disney movies, and I can tell you for a fact that there were things in them I did not pick up on as a child, that I do now as an adult if I see them.  Was I emotionally scarred? Newp. Not one bit.

"Mommy, why are those guys shaking their butts like that?"

There's two basic types of answers for this, if a child even seems to be that concerned about it anyway:

"Well my precious angel, they're trying to show these men as jingling their evil man-balls against their legs to make a song and promote sex... and sex is the devil"  or

"Oh child, they're just shaking it to the Christmas song!"

 Why is there even an uproar period?  Oh right, we're supposed to be sheltering our children from anything even remotely related to sex or sexy parts or violence or whatever.  Now before you jump down my throat follow me here for a moment.  Have a seat on my couch and prop your feet up, take some deep breaths.  Would you like some tea or something?  Comfy?  Ok.  Now, by remotely I mean like... let's say the evil, sexual violent stuff we don't want our children to be exposed to is in Washington D.C. (see what I did there? tee-hee).  This commercial, or that other TV show or whatever else these people find to bitch about, is in Spain. Are they close?  Not at all.  Could they be connected?  I'm sure they could, but it would take a lot of work and one major gigantic ass bridge... or monorail... or underwater tunnel... whatever. 

At any rate, with the Disney movies I grew up on and the "violent" cartoons, I ended up being totally fine! (Some may argue that point, and hell even I might sometimes but really... it did not negatively impact me as I grew up and became an adult.)  Stop babying our children and trying to shelter them from anything you deem could potentially traumatize them.  Now I'm not saying we should tape their eyelids open and subject them to hardcore BDSM porn, or watching live autopsies or people getting abused or tortured.  I could understand people getting up in arms about the Herbal Essence commercials or the other ones where there's naked or near naked people all but making out/nibbling on necks/whatever far more easily than I could this one.  But even at that, and at the end of the day, if you wish to shelter your precious little snowflakes that much, how about turning off the damn TV or actually *gasp* doing some parenting and you know... know what the hell your child is watching on TV? Restrict channels?  I guarantee you they've seen or heard far worse at school or at their friends house.  I knew what sex was way before either of my parents ever talked to me about it. Start being a parent and stop expecting the rest of the world to parent for you... and get the hell over yourself.  Shoot, I think I may start a charity. I'll start collecting donations to begin purchasing helmets for all you super special people who think you're more important than the rest of us.

If you're reading this blog, you're probably not one of those people anyway.  Those of you who actually read any of the stuff I write at this point in time I probably already know personally, and you are all amazing people and I love every one of you.  Even any new people that may read this, as long as you're not one of those people, I love you too! But if you happen to be one of those people and somehow stumbled across my little corner of the internet, I have a message for you:

Get over yourselves. Take your pompous, greedy ass and get off our planet.  You are no better than me, the person to your left, the man who sold you cigarettes or gas at the 7-11, the girl who took your order at the restaurant trying to make her way through college or feed her child, the guy who fixed your car or the one who came to fix your pipes, or the person who one day will hopefully eventually remove your head from your anus.  Just because something offends you, or you don't like something, or share the same set of beliefs doesn't mean that you have the right to try to take that shit away from the people who do enjoy whatever it is. Don't like heavy metal music?  Don't listen to it.  Don't like carrots?  Don't eat them. Don't like a TV show? (I am suddenly experiencing a case of deja-vu here)  Change the channel.  Don't like gay marriage?  Don't be gay and get married.  Don't believe in contraception? Don't use it.  The world does not revolve around you.  You are not a special snowflake, and neither are your children.  We all share this planet, stop being so fucking miserable and scroogy.

And lastly... if someone takes the time out of their day to wish you a Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanza, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Winter Solstice or whatever... it does not matter what your religion is.  These people are wishing you well, smile and realize this and accept it for what it is... a well wish, and nothing more... and wish them well back.  Even if we were all psychic and knew what your particular holiday affiliation is, the world does not revolve around you... we all (again) share this planet... ya dig?  Oh, and if you actually got offended by any of this, you're probably one of the very people I'm talking about.  So please... please remove your head from your posterior and maybe do something kind for someone else for a change.  It feels good, and I promise that by putting yourself aside for once and doing something kind, even if it's just a few words, to bring a smile to someone else's face will not cause you to melt, spontaneously combust, get struck by lighting, eaten by a bear, sucked into an airplane engine, or anything else bad.

And to the rest of you amazing people, I hope you all and your families have a very Happy Christmakwanzahanukkah and New Year!!  Please stay awesome!  <3

Six vs. Sixteen, Why Are Six Year Olds Held to Higher Standards?

I guess I'm just going to be blunt here, but what the bloody hell is wrong with our society? I had some posts I wanted to do that were more light and, I guess just more bizarre and out there, but recent events just can't be ignored.  What kind of world are we living in where a 16 year old can get away with killing four people and injuring others, but we hold 6 year olds accountable and charged with sexual harassment for kissing a girl on the hand / cheek?

Unless you've been living under a rock (which is sounding more and more appealing every day) I'm sure you've heard about the texas teen who killed four people and only got probation because of "affluenza". If you haven't heard about it and for whatever reason don't feel like clicking on the link, here's the basic rundown.  Sixteen year old Ethan Couch was with two friends as he stole two cases of beer from Wal-Mart, got smashed (3x's the legal limit for someone who's OF age to drink and he had traces of valium in his system), drove his father's company's truck at 70mph in a 40mph zone and slammed into four people and killed them.  One of the two people riding with Ethan has brain damage so severe he's basically a vegetable and can't move or talk, and the other just had massive internal injuries and numerous broken bones... no biggie right?  I mean his parents let him start driving at 13 illegally, and when he was just but a year younger at 15, he was cited by police for being found parked in a pickup with a passed out and naked 14 year old and wasn't punished by his parents at all so he totally shouldn't be held accountable for killing four people drinking and driving right?  At least that's what the "psychologist" his lawyer hired said.  He said that Ethan was a victim of wealth and "affluenza" and has never been held accountable for his actions so he couldn't possibly have felt there would be any consequence for stealing booze and getting shit faced and crashing into and killing four people.  The judge apparently agreed, even though she didn't directly mention "affluenza" and only gave him 10 years of probation... for killing 4 people...

I can't really wrap my head around that.  The judge basically agreed he's never been held accountable for anything in his life and therefore wouldn't have had the foresight to think "Hey! Getting completely shitfaced and driving could injure or kill me and other people! I should just stay in and not drive!"  Ten year olds understand drinking and driving is illegal and bad! So what does she do?  Let him off basically with no punishment at all and doesn't hold him accountable for his actions!  Ok, ok.  He didn't totally go unpunished.  He's not being allowed to return with his parents, they're making him go to some sort of private one on one rehabilitation facility that's gonna run his pops like... $450,000 a year or something.  And get this... can you just imagine for a moment how terrible it would be to be sent to such a place?!?!  With it's location being on the beach and having to participate in *gasp* equine therapy?!?!?  THE HORROR!!!  Being forced to be away from your parents at 16, staying at a house on the beach and having to ride horses!  Who am I kidding... shit send me there I got my bags packed already!  But if you're going to say he was not responsible because of his environment and upbringing, are you going to start letting gang-bangers get away with shit too because they're a product of their environment?  Or how about the poor kid who's parent was an alcoholic, so they thought boozing was ok, got drunk, drove and killed someone... are they not responsible because of their environment as well?

 (Granted this isn't the exact rehab place but this image will do for now)

Even more appalling... well ok I'm not sure it's more appalling, but equally maybe?  Were some of the comments on that link I posted up there.  People were actually bringing race into it (all people involved were white) and saying it's only the evil rich white people who get away with shit.  Uhhhh OJ?  Zimmerman (come on he was half Hispanic).  And I'm quite sure if I wasn't so lazy right now there's plenty of other rich non-whites that have gotten away with shit because they have money.  There's tons of kids with parents who aren't wealthy or rich who spend years in jail for way less than killing four people.  People blamed politics.  People actually commented and said "Well how can he be held responsible? I've gotten drunk and blacked out so how could he have possibly been aware enough to recognize this as being a bad idea to drink and drive?"  What the bloody hell happened that no one accepts responsibility for anything anymore?  It's always someone else's fault. Hell our government won't even admit if they made a mistake, and I'm sure that's but a small part of the no accountability problem.  People said "We should make the driving age 18, that'll help it!"  Hell... I got my license at 16.  I drank underage. But guess what? I never killed anyone.  Why? I knew drinking and driving was bad and very dangerous and stayed the hell inside when I got smashed.

Then on the other hand we're holding 6 year olds charged with sexual harassment for kissing a girl on the cheek / hands, a 7 year old suspended for chewing a pop-tart into the shape of a gun, or the 10 year old who was suspended for pretending to shoot an imaginary bow and arrow at a friend? Shoot when I was in elementary school, there was a boy in school who had a crush on me, tackled me to the ground and kissed my cheek and ran off.  I wasn't traumatized!!  And who of us "older folk" has never played cops and robbers or anything similar? Shit I'd be willing to bet if you asked any of those kids if drinking and driving was good or bad to do, they'd even be able to tell you drinking and driving is wrong and bad!  I'm sure they could also tell you that cops and robbers is pretend and that killing people in real life is bad!  You can't tell me Ethan didn't understand what he was doing was wrong.  And yet, even though supposedly the reason he made that choice... to go out and steal booze, and go drinking and driving was because his parents never punished him or made him learn there are consequences to our actions, he still really has been given no consequence for his decision, and once again does not have to pay a price for taking the lives of four people.  I only hope when he fucks up his probation over the next ten years (and he probably will) and gets locked up, some other innocent person doesn't lose their life too.

So This "Blaming the Hero" Trend...

So yes, I have a serious question for all you lovely people.  I realize the title being "Blaming the Hero" may not be the best term to use.  But the people who are getting blamed here are referred to as heroes by many people, even if they do not deem themselves as heroes and merely just defending themselves or others. Now, I may not be the most intelligent person on the planet, but I always at least liked thinking I wasn't a dummy and had some level of common sense and intelligence.  I've always prided myself on thinking outside the box or being able to see things from all sides... to step back and put myself in other people's shoes to understand where they're coming from.  I know I don't have all the answers and realize that hey, maybe someone else does!  But I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around this and make any sense out of it.  What I'm talking about is this.

This isn't the first time an article like this has come up.  Just earlier this month, two people tried to rob a convenience store not too far from my hometown in Pennsylvania, drew their guns on a passerby (who was armed and had a permit), and yet again the family of the dead robbers were crying out for justice.  That particular article doesn't go into as much detail about the families of the robbers cries for justice, but you can easily look it up if you wish.

So here's the situation.  Here we have two instances where people armed with guns (as opposed to unarmed with guns?  The partial redundancy here is not lost on me I can assure you) go into an establishment to commit a robbery.  In the first article I linked you, a passerby seen the suspect with a gun to an employee's head and stepped in to help. In the second, two gunmen robbed a convenience store and upon exiting, an armed legally carrying citizen stopped them and shot both of the gunmen as they drew their weapons on him, defending himself.  And in both of these circumstances the families of the robbers are not objecting to the actions of their robbing gun-wielding loved ones, but blaming the people who stepped in to save someone else's life or defending themselves??

To a point I get it.  Mind you, this is a very small point.  Almost microscopic even.  Their loved ones are either dead or were injured.  I understand mourning that, I do.  But I will tell you one thing right now, if any child of mine ever pulled that shit, the last thing I would be doing is blaming the citizen who stepped in.  Would I be upset and mourning my son/daughter?  Yes I would, very deeply so.  But if my child went in with a loaded gun and threatened the lives of others, and someone defended themselves or someone else and shot my child?  I would not be blaming them.  If I blamed anyone it may be myself.  Perhaps I did everything that a good parent did and my child just got in with the wrong people and it's nothing I could have done differently to change the course of events.  Perhaps somewhere along the line there was something I could have done differently to make sure my child went down a better path.  This all brings up two very important issues with our society today:

1. Enough with the blaming everyone else and taking no responsibility bullshit.  If you're dumb enough to bring a loaded gun with you and point it at someone, if you get shot by someone who is armed trying to defend themselves or save someone else's life, you deserve what you get.  Unless someone renders you unconscious and kidnaps you and brings you into some sort of secret lair where they strap a bomb to your chest and tell you if you don't go into this store and rob people and point a gun at them they're going to blow you the hell up and murder your family, you have a choice.  You chose to bring a gun into an establishment and point it at someone.  You chose to rob that store.  You have no one to blame but yourself, and your family sure as hell shouldn't be blaming anyone but you either.  I'd be willing to bet money that if these young men's situations had been reversed, and it was them with the guns to their heads and they ended up shot, and the families later on found out a passerby with a gun did not stop to help they'd be bitching about that too.  They'd change their tune to "he should have just walked out of the store" to "he should have done something!  If he did something my son would still be alive!"

2.  Guns.  Yes... evil guns.  These are typically the same people who cry about how only police or military should have guns and normal citizens shouldn't have any guns to defend themselves.  Guess what genius?  All the gun control laws you want to be put in place will not keep them out of the hands of criminals.  Why you ask?  Criminals don't follow the fucking law douche canoe.  If they did, they *gasp* wouldn't be criminals!  If some asshat breaks into your home with a gun and shoots your spouse and/or child, I'll bet you'd be wishing you had a gun instead of sitting there helpless waiting for the police to arrive.  Not to mention statistically speaking, areas and countries with higher gun ownership typically have lower crime rates.  Look at Chicago.  Like, no one there has guns but the police and criminals.  Highest crime rate in the country! 

Then you have the "Gun Free Zones".  What do they do exactly?  Does some gun wielding maniac see the "Gun Free Zone" sign and go "oh shit, I wanted to shoot a bunch of people, but that's a gun free zone!!!" and turn around and walk away?  Hell no they don't... easy prey. (That's an entirely different topic, mass murdering douche nozzles typically have a host of mental issues that haven't been addressed largely due to our lack of a mental health care system.)  Guns. Do. Not. Kill. People... People do.

So I want to post a question/experiment to all the anti-gun lovelies out there.  You probably don't have a gun if you're an anti-gun person... unless you're a hypocrite. So you may have to find a friend or family member who has a gun for this.  Take the gun, and a clip of ammo and sit it near your door.  Sit the clip of ammo right next to the gun, and heck for good measure leave the door open a crack (this is extra effective if you live in the suburbs or where people pass by) and go about your day.  Place a hidden camera if you wish, or even mount a camera on the gun.  At the end of the day please report back to me how many people this gun killed.  And don't give me any of that bullshit about how people don't need guns to defend themselves.  What the fuck are you gonna do if some asshat breaks into your home who HAS a gun (he's a criminal, remember they don't obey the law) while you're in the kitchen making a sandwich or something and points a gun at you?  Try to get close enough to stab him with a knife?  Run for a phone and pray that the cops get there before he shoots your ass or your family?  If you CHOOSE to not own a gun, that's fine.  But do NOT tell me I don't have the right to defend myself.  Mind you, I used to hate guns.  I'd freak out if someone had one out anywhere near me.  But after becoming a survivor of violent crime, I'd wished back then I could have defended myself. 

The ultimate question I have is, why are we blaming the heroes, instead of blaming the criminals?  It's sad we even have to have Good Samaritan laws to begin with.  Why is it even necessary to have laws in place to protect people who are only trying to step up to do the right thing, to render aid or assistance to help others?  We have a choice.  We can choose not to hate. We can choose to help others instead of cause them harm.  It's very sad we live in a world where people are now afraid to help or get involved when someone is in some sort of trouble or distress.

Ten Things I Envy About Men

Ok so I've been sitting here for a bit now thinking about how if I just found a groove, I could do more writing.  But alas, my mind has been so occupied I've been devoid of inspiration.  But I hath found it!  Perhaps if I did more searching...

One of my friends had linked on Facebook an article which lead me to this link called 10 Moments As A Man That Make Me Envious of Women.  I found it to be rather interesting and humorous, and it did remind me of a few reasons I am glad I'm a woman.  I would have added a few to that perhaps, but it wasn't my list.  It did, however, make me think about things I envy about men.  And since I did get a little "Yay I'm a woman!" boost, I figured, why not?!?!  I did enlist some help from my friends on Facebook as I was drawing a blank near the end of my list, but ask anyone that knows me... I suck at lists.  Especially ones where I have to list things like "10 Facts You Didn't Know About Me!" or "Here's 10 Things That Go Through My Brain on a Daily Basis!".  Actually, that last one would be a lot longer.  More like 10 billion things that go through my brain on a daily basis.  But I digress.  Here's some things I envy about you male folk (in no particular order)...

1.  You can go out in public topless and not get arrested.  Yes I'm sure most of you guys are like "But Nikki, I would have zero objections to women walking around topless in public!  And that's cool and all, but we get arrested for indecent exposure or some shit.  It's not fair!  Sometimes a girl just wants to be free, ya know?

2.  You can pee anywhere / while standing / draw your name in the snow.  I'm not sure if you realize exactly just how convenient it is to be like "Oh man, I gotta pee!" and just pull over to the side of the road, hide behind a bush or tree or something and just whip it out, shake it off and just go.  Do you really have any idea how difficult it is for women?  I mean I know there are some women who have mastered the art, and there's even devices to help women do so (no really, there is actually items sold on the market to help women pee standing up).  But otherwise we gotta find somewhere to squat and perform a very delicate balancing act while making sure our clothing is out of the way of the stream, and find something to "dry off" with if no Kleenex or similar items are handy and pray it's not poison ivy or some shit.

3.  Belching and farting are acceptable forms of communication.  Sure there's some people who find anyone belching to be disgusting, but if a group of men engage in a chorus of harmonious aerophagia (excessive burping) and farts no one really bats an eye. If a woman or group of women were to do the same?  "Ugh how un-lady like is that?!?!?  Did you just HEAR HER?!?!  I mean, Oh. My. God!"

4.  Short hair.  Sure there are women who pull off short hair / pixie cuts / shaved heads and totally rock it out.  The number of women who can do so, however, is very very slim.  And I cannot for the life of me tell you exactly how many times I've said "UGH I wish I could just shave my head and be done with it!"  Fabulous hair is a lot of work, and I especially hate this because I am not the type of woman who enjoys spending 2 hours making sure every hair is in exactly the right spot before I leave the house. Plus, think of how much it would save on trips to the salon!  Grab one of those head shavy devices and off you go!  Voila!

5.  Speaking of hair... ya'll have much less to shave.  Buzz your hair or whatever, shave your face (if you even choose to do so) or trim the beard / 'stache. We practically shave half our bodies at least once a week if not more.  Well, probably except for winter time when we're single.  Not like the extra insulation really helps anyway.

6.  Ya'll don't have to worry about that "woman stuff."  For real.  Periods are not fun, and neither is going to the gyno or many forms of birth control.  I understand ya'll have some sort of secret support group for men who's women are "on the rag" where you all can go tell stories about how hormonal and bitchy your women get for that week out of the month.  I get it, I do.  I'm sure you've been bloated before and know how uncomfortable that is.  Now imagine that, and add to it headaches, bleeding and not dying for days straight, and feeling like Mike Tyson used your abdomen and kidneys as punching bags for that period of time, and on top of that you have no reasonable explanation as to why you're crying about the commercial on TV and it's just a cute puppy.  No, not one of those sad ASPCA puppy commercials, just a puppy.  Gyno visits aren't fun either.  I'll spare you the details unless you really want to know.

7.  Public "adjustment" draws much less attention.  Sure some people get put off by a dude adjusting his junk in public, but it typically doesn't draw too much attention.  A lot of times people will just look away. "Oh it's just some dude adjusting himself... adjust on bro!"  But if you're a woman, I'm sure you've felt the need to adjust the girls and you're out in public.  Or worse, the wire from your bra pokes out from the stitching and starts stabbing you in the ribs / under your arm / breastbone.  Suddenly it's like someone summoned a huge, bright light upon you and you're on stage, putting on a show for everyone in town.  *queue heavenly music* "Omg there's a chick playing with her tits man!!" or "Omg can you believe the nerve? How unladylike!!!"

8.  Employment diversity.  Now, before you get your boxers/briefs/thongs/mankinis/boxerbriefs in a bunch I do realize this works both ways... but for some reason it does seem slightly more acceptable for men to do a woman's job than it is for a woman to try to do a man's job.  And sometimes, I do understand the reasoning behind women not being accepted in certain jobs as readily.  Like... firefighting.  There should not be exceptions for women about the amount of dead weight you need to be able to carry... that could mean someone's life.  But what about  being an auto mechanic? Or a garbage lady? Or what if she wants to be one of those muscly body building type persons?!? I mean if she wants to be a female Arnold Swartz-howeveryouspellitI'mtoolazytolookituprightnow-ger... why is it such a big deal compared to if a guy wants to be a flight attendant?

 9.  The more chicks you sleep with, the higher your stud status.  Face it.  A dude sleeps with 100 chicks he's a stud, or "has game" or earns some super manly status above the rest, or "Alpha Status".  If a woman sleeps with 100 men though... she's a slut/whore/ho/tramp.  It's the same thing!!  What's with the double standard?  Why am I any less of a person if I go out and practice the horizontal polka with 50 dudes vs the guy who goes out there and does it with 50 women?

10.  I am NOT the father!  Ya'll can deny that shit.  Hell there's even an entire television show basically dedicated to whether or not someone is "the baby daddy" (If you've read any of my earlier blogs, you know I hate that term but it fits).  Ya'll can stick your penis pretty much anywhere and deny any consequences or it ever even going there. Some brag.  I mean I have a friend who I've known for YEARS who bragged about masturbating via the usage of a vehicular hose of radiating (he fucked a radiator hose to put it more simply, he shall remain anonymous unless he chooses not to be).  But until an actual paternity test is done, you can deny children.  Now, I'm not saying that I actually envy that because I think anyone who doesn't step up when they participated in creating a child is a worthless twat-waffle, but it's the fact that you can actually get away with it (at least for a little while).  Women can't do that.  Either you got pregnant or you didn't.  You either squeezed a watermelon out of your vagina or you didn't.  Unless you vanish for like... a year and start living in the woods with animals and bears who adopt you as one of their own and give birth with only the help of your new animal friends out in the wilderness and drop the baby off anonymously at a church or something while wearing a ninja outfit so no one can make out any identifying features... there is no way you could actually say "I am NOT the mother!" and get away with it.  Again, anyone who would do that is worthless imo, but it's the fact that you can... the principle of the whole thing.

Now don't get me wrong, despite all these things at the end of the day I am still glad I'm a woman and wouldn't change that for the world, but you men do have some spiffy perks!

I Think the Government Should Start Handing Out Helmets...

Ok so, I tried to hold out... I really did.  I was all like "I will not rant about this!!!"  But, I just can't take it anymore.

WTF is wrong with people? I mean really?   It started off with one of my favorite Facebook pages getting shut down because some jack off got all butthurt. What the hell is with all these self-entitled idiots thinking the world needs to revolve around them? 

"Oh my gosh! This Facebook page offends me, it must be shut down so my poor little brain isn't subjected to anything I find even the slightest bit offensive or disagree with or don't like!"

If you haven't seen Salty Dad's Facebook page, you should check it out (his old page had far more followers, this is the new page).  He's a sarcastic, blunt and straight to the point kinda guy.  Very intelligent, doesn't beat around the bush.  Sure some of the stuff he posts may make you cringe, but he also takes the time to educate and inform people on events and current world happenings and doesn't take a biased stance.  A perfect blend, in my opinion, of humor, information, and very real and down to earth.  But some twat waffle didn't like what he had to say (or multiple twat waffles, who knows, they apparently breed and that scares the shit out of me!) and instead of simply clicking the "Unlike" button and being done with the page, he decided to go on a crusade to get Salty's page removed.  And then after Salty made a new page... Sir Twat Waffle shows up again on the new page and tries to start more shit!  I'm all like "Dude!!  If you don't like the page, don't  fucking look at it!  Don't stalk and check for a new page! JUST DON'T FUCKING GO THERE!"

This seems like a fairly simple concept to me. It's like watching TV.  If there is a show or movie on I don't like... I change the fucking channel.  Like, shows featuring women giving birth.  I refuse to watch them because I do want children someday.  And I know people tell me "oh you forget all the bad stuff after the baby is there!", and they're probably right.  But I don't want to watch some woman giving birth, because I don't want to freak myself out, traumatize myself and change my mind.  So guess what I do? I don't watch them!  Same concept with Facebook.  There are pages I don't like, but guess what?!?!  Go ahead, guess.  I'll wait.  If you guessed I don't look at those pages...

What did you win?  I have no idea... a hug?  I can give hugs... I love hugs!

But speaking of TV that brings me to my next point.  The type of people who crusade to get Facebook pages get shut down are those same whiny ass bitches/assholes who go cry when something offends them.  It's like, they think the entire fucking world revolves around them and only them... like no one else or nothing else matters but them.  Here's a newsflash asshole, you share this planet with billions of other people who may or may not think or like the things you do.  And how would you feel if someone took offense to something you like and tried to get it taken away because they didn't like it?  Let's say you love cotton underwear, and some jackoff doesn't like the feel of cotton underwear, so he or she goes on this mighty crusade to get cotton underwear removed from the market?  You'd probably think to yourself:

"Well if you don't like the feel of cotton underwear, then don't freaking wear cotton underwear you idiot! Don't take away cotton underoos from those of us who actually love to wear them!!!"

But wait!  You just went on this giant crusade to get a Facebook page you didn't like removed!  You could have *gasps* not freaking looked at it to begin with!  Same. Exact. Concept.

Here's the thing people.  It all boils down to words.  And on top of the whole Salty Dad Facebook page shut down, the thing that really made me want to sit down and share my frustrations with you all?  I just seen AGAIN on the news the people who are crusading to get the Redskin's football team's name changed (and apparently another high school's "Indian head" logo) because "it's offensive to Native Americans."   (#HTTR!)  Here's the thing though, according to this article from CBS, 90% of Native Americans actually do not find the name to be offensive or a racial slur.  The team name has existed for 81 years... eighty one years!!!  What's the big deal now?

People seem to be so quick to find shit offensive and take it personally today.  They take it so personally, as if all of these other people are secretly like... some underground society whos job it is to make Joe or Jane Blow's life a living hell and subject them to all these insane various methods of torture by exposing them to anything and everything in life they do not like or understand.  Like, the people suing the U.S. Treasury to get "In God We Trust" off our money because they find it discriminatory because they are not religious and they are offended.  I don't care of my money is covered in rainbows and spiders and has dudes having hot, wild monkey sex with donkeys on it... it's money.  It buys me things, it pays my bills.

Here's a newsflash people... get a helmet... like.. a really awesome fucking helmet that you love... like really really love.  Perhaps you love this helmet so much you wish to cuddle up next to it at night and whisper sweet nothings into its... er... ear hole?? I know they don't really have ear holes, but just stay with me here. It can have anything on it you like!  Whether you want a badass mutha shut yo mouth type of helmet with skulls and dragons and fire or whatever on it, or if you want a cutesy helmet with flowers and gumdrops and cute little bunnies, I don't care!! Whatever floats your special little skull that hides your damaged brain.  Then, I would like you to build yourself a bridge, and get the fuck over yourselves.  Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean there isn't plenty of other people out there that enjoy it. And really, who gives a shit?  If it's not hurting anyone, who cares?  Unless someone has a gun to your head and forces you to be subjected to all these things your poor oppressed selves take offense to on a constant basis, no one is forcing you to look at these Facebook pages or watch certain TV shows.  You know as well as I do you'd be pissed off if someone tried to take away something you enjoyed because they didn't like it.  Don't like it?  Don't look at it / watch it... and stop trying to take shit away from others just because you think you're more important than the billions of other people on this planet.  Newsflash... you're not.  And as far as the Redskins thing goes?  The team has been around for 81 years.  There are Native American schools that use the team name / mascot "Redskins".  It wasn't offensive before, it shouldn't be now.  Those few who are complaining??  You gave the term its racist connotation. It was never, nor is it now meant to be racist or offensive.  Stop making shit into something it's not.

At the end of the day... words again, are just words.  They are sounds that we humans use to communicate thoughts, ideas and feelings.  What's really important here is the intent.  The world is not out to get you.  Heck sometimes I find being called a bitch to be a compliment!  It usually follows when someone is getting all butthurt about something or being ridiculous and I tell them how ridiculous they're being.  Some people don't like me because I will straight up tell them if I think they're being an idiot, others love that about me.  It's insanely rare I sugarcoat anything.  You have a choice.  Stop choosing to be a self-important douche canoe and trying to take things from others you don't like.  Instead, choose what you subject yourself to.  Don't like a Facebook page?  Don't look at it.  Don't like a TV show?  Don't watch it.  Don't like heavy metal or country music?  Don't listen to it.  Don't like cotton underwear?  Don't wear them.  Don't like Hondas?  Don't drive one.  Don't like iPhones?  Don't buy one.  Stop choosing to be a bully and a douchebag. Yep I called you a bully, because that's what you're acting like.  Choose to accept everyone is different and everyone loves different things and stop taking shit away from everyone else.  And yes, there is not one person on this planet that has not been subjected to something in life they don't like.  Guess what?  Most of us keep our mouths shut, realize that even though it may not be our cup of tea, it might be someone else's and someone else may actually find joy in it, and we move on with our lives.  Unpleasant situations do not last forever typically unless you allow it to.  There are exceptions of course.  No one likes cancer, and it's very unpleasant.  That would be something you can't choose.  I cannot stand spiders. I hate them!  I am terrified of them.  But I'm not out there crusading and trying to shut down pet shops that sell pet tarantulas to people as pets am I?  I'm not trying to get them banned from pet stores because I hate them.  As a matter of fact I may find that I like spiders if they were more like this:

I mean shit, how could you hate a spider that talks to you in a really terrible French type accent?  I'd have a house full if that were the case!!!

Oh, and it would also be really awesome if you decided you actually enjoyed my little rant, agree, and chose to share it with your friends!!  Don't worry, I won't be offended if you don't.  I actually realize I may not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok with me! Let me do my thing, I'll let you do yours!!  Maybe I'd actually write more if I had more readers!!  <3


 

Once Upon a Time...

Once upon a time in Stephentown, New York, 8/31/2013 at the vacation home of Brian Holloway,  a couple of little douche-mcnuggets are conversing about a potential gathering of mature, responsible young adults (DM= douche-mcnugget, please note, there is some sarcasm here):

DM1:  Yo dood.  So I know this former football dude right?  He's got this wicked ass vacation pad right? I mean this place is fucking HUUGGEEE man!! They're like.. never here.. and I got McDawg to get me some booze right?  So I got lots of booze, and I figure, maybe we could get some bitches up in here and have a party no one will EVER forget?!?!  Whatchoo think dawg?

DM2: Yo dooodddd!!  That sound like a wicked cool idea!! Yo, let's put this shit up on twitter and get even MORE peeps man!!  I mean, no one will ever find out! I can tweet this shit out and get at least like, fiddy peeps up in this bitch... and if they tweet it, there will be even more peeps!!

DM1: Yeah man!  I'll tweet that shit too!  This will be like, the mother of all parties! We're gonna get so much ass!

That's what a ton of kids decided to do.  They set up this party, and posted it all over Twitter.  These kids trashed the house.. and I mean TRASHED the house.  There is graffiti everywhere.  They shit on the floor, pissed all over the floor, broke windows, busted door frames, , holes in the walls, stolen house items, including an eagle statue that was basically used as a headstone for a grandson who was stillborn. (The statue has thankfully been returned at least).  There was an estimated $20,000 worth of damage done to this home.

So what does Brian Holloway do?  He scours the Twitterverse and posts up the pictures these little twatwaffles posted on his website, which can be found here.. Ill give you a moment to look at the site and look at the damage that was done.  I couldn't believe it.

He wasn't hell bent on revenge though.  Who would blame him though if he was?  I mean if I ever got married and me and my hubby had a vacation home, and we later come to find it to be completely demolished by a bunch of little brats, I'd be... honestly I'm not sure. I know I'd have a wide variety of emotions I would be experiencing.  Heartbreak, anger, rage, disgust.. you name it.  Mentally I would be punching some mofos in the face and crying at the same time. He offers these kids redemption.  They can come forward and offer to help clean up and repair the damage and hopefully instead, be set on a better path in life and won't press charges.  Sounds good to me!  If ANY of my future minion(s) did anything like that.. you can bet your ass they'd be delivering an apology, and their asses would be over there, scrubbing walls and toilets and whatever with a toothbrush and repair the damage they participated in, taking full responsibility for their actions, in addition to some pretty nifty punishments at home and volunteering to help out at the event he was to host for veterans not long after or doing something for the betterment of the community.  In my opinion, that's what a responsible parent would do, and that's what happened right??

I wish I could say yes, but sadly I cannot.  I've heard conflicting reports that either only one or only four kids came forward and offered to help clean up... out of 300+.  What did some of these parents do?  They threatened to sue him for posting the pictures their precious little snowflakes blasted all over twitter!  I mean, REALLY?!?!  Your brat breaks into a home, parties like the world is going to end, leaves a shit in the bedroom, pisses in the hallway and whatever else, and is stupid enough to blast pictures of their crimes all over the internets, and your reaction is to threaten to sue the person's whose home your child participated in wrecking?!?  These people do not deserve to be parents, and should have never reproduced in the first place.  Momma McDouchebag should have swallowed.  Harsh?  Maybe.  I do realize there are perfectly awesome parents who for whatever reason end up with douchy little brats, that comment was not directed at them.  That comment was directed at the parents of those kids who tweeted such things as "Man I'm glad my parents don't give a fuck what I do!"

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that whatever you post on the internet, is there forever.  If you're hanging out with your friends and posting up pictures of you all sitting there with a kilo of crack and you get busted because someone seen the picture you posted up on Facebook/Twitter... your ass deserves to get busted.  If you don't want to get into trouble, ideally you just wouldn't break the law to begin with. But if you're hell bent on breaking the law for whatever reason and don't want to get caught, don't be stupid enough to post it on the internet.  And if you do get caught?  Take responsibility. No one held a gun to your head and made you go to that party or get that kilo of crack or whatever.  I cannot imagine a situation like:

Kid 1:  YOU ARE GOING TO GO TO THAT PARTY AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!!!

Kid 2:  But.. But I don't WANNA go to that party!!  Parties are evil and not fun and you can get in trouble if you drink underage!!!
 
You made that choice on your own kiddo, time to suck it up and take responsibility for your actions.  The choices we make have consequences, and kids need to know that.

What is wrong with kids today?!?  Oh yeah... there's parents who would rather their special little snowflakes get out of the wrong / illegal things they do than take responsibility for their own actions and mistakes.  It's the era of "everyone wins" where everyone gets a trophy for participating and "no one can do any wrong, and if you do, blame it on someone else"! None of these kids have to take responsibility for anything, and if they do, their parents just try to pass the blame or point the finger at someone else because I mean, their precious little snowflake can do no wrong, right?  And I mean, they're breathing so therefore since they have accomplished such a difficult feat, they deserve anything and everything being handed to them, right? 

I'll be damned if any kid of mine is going to become a self entitled little brat.  I know I'm not going to be a perfect parent, but I'm going to sure as hell try to be one.  I know my future minion(s) aren't going to be perfect either.  They will know that is ok!  They're going to make mistakes, and that's part of being a human.  But they will have a much easier time if they at least try to make the right choices and take responsibility if they do mess up.

And people wonder what is wrong with kids today...

The Hate Needs to Stop

Ok I'm going to do a serious post. I know, I know.  But this shit seriously makes me angry.  What is wrong with people?!?!  Have we hit some sort of plateau when it comes to tolerance, understanding, compassion, and equality?  Unless you've been living under a rock (oh how nice that would be at times) you've heard Zimmerman was found not guilty.  Am I disappointed?  Yeah I am, for several reasons.  No this isn't going to be a post just on the Zimmerman/Martin fiasco, bear with me here.

I am not going to discuss the Zimmerman trial itself.  Why?  It's over and people have their opinions on the matter, and whether or not I agree or disagree with the verdict has nothing to do really with what I am writing about.

Here's what really pisses me off though, and it's not so much the fact he was found not guilty, although I do think he should have been held accountable for his actions that night.  Manslaughter, perhaps? No, what really pisses me off is the media ran with this whole thing and made it a race issue.  Charges weren't filed because there wasn't enough evidence to file charges.  And I will admit, when I first heard about the whole case my first thought was "OMG that poor kid!! Gunned down in cold blood like that!!" because that's how the media portrayed it.  But time went on, more evidence came out, and there was no evidence that anything Zimmerman (a hispanic man, mind you) did was racially motivated, and there was no evidence that Zimmerman was a racist.  But the media and others made this a racial issue.  A lot of things could have went differently that night and Trevon would be alive and none of this would have happened, but it didn't.

Now, I'm not saying that there is no racism or prejudice in our society because there is... and there is on all sides, and it needs to stop.  We, as a country, have come a long way since the days of slavery and segregation, but we still have a way to go too.  And the thing is, it's not just white people (mind you, I'm white) that need to get their shit together.

What gets me is people portraying things as being racially motivated when it isn't or there is no evidence to suggest it, and then there are racially motivated crimes that receive zero media attention.  Why?  Because the victim is white. Take this case for example:

"This is what you deserve. You get what you deserve, white boy"

There's a 13 year old white boy walking home from school, who is followed by 2 black kids, doused with gasoline and lit on fire, and that's what they said to him. "This is what you deserve. You get what you deserve, white boy."  That is a perfect example of a racially motivated crime.  Yet, where is the outrage?  Why isn't this on national news and followed by everyone in the country? Apparently there are no hate crimes against white people.  And where are the blacks or Hispanics or whoever?  Where is their outrage?!?  We all want a society where we are seen as equals.  Why are there not blacks standing up and crying out for their people to stop adding to the problem?!?!  Keep in mind please, I did not post that link to further inflame or incite any racial tension... I posted it to make a point.  Racism and prejudice is not about "everyone against blacks" or "all hetero people against the gays" or whatever.  It goes a multitude of different ways for a variety of different reasons.

Fact: There will be no equality until all people pull their heads out of their asses and realize we are all created equal.  The blood that flows through our veins is the same color.  Inside of our skin, and aside from gender differences or sexual preferences or whatever we are the same.  Our skin, gender, sexual preferences, tastes in music, religious beliefs and whatever, do not make me, or you, or anyone else, better than the person sitting next to you on the bus, standing in line with you at the convenience store while you're waiting to pay for your gas or whatever else it is you may be doing at the time.

You know what makes us better people?  Loving one another.  Respecting one another.  Treating other people with the same respect you want to be treated with.  Realizing that just because someone is *gasp* different from you in one way or another, does not mean that they, nor you, are any better than Joe down the street.  Realizing that just because one person of a race, gender, ethnicity, religion, commits a certain act, that it does not and should not condemn everyone else who shares that same trait.  I was raped at knife point when I was 20 by a black man.  Does that make it a hate crime?  No.  Does that mean all black men are terrible people?  No.  One of my best friends is a black man.  And just the other day while I was standing in line waiting to order a replacement phone because mine decided to go skydiving and faceplanted onto the carport and broke my screen, I had a rather pleasant conversation with two black men who were also standing in line also waiting to get things repaired by the Geek Squad.  And you know what?  Not once did I feel uncomfortable or anxious or endangered or anything. Would I have a reason to distrust black men?  Yeah I would.  But I don't.  Why?  Because the act of one person does not condemn the rest who share a similar trait... and I am smart enough to see that.

There's not many people I share that with, but I am sharing this painful tidbit of information with you because I want to see change.  I want the hate to stop.  I don't care who it is you "hate" or distrust or whatever for whatever reason.  I want you to be able to sit back, take this in, and open up your eyes and your heart.  I want you to be the change.  I don't want you to sit there and think "awww well there's nothing just little old me can do to make a difference" because that's not true.  It takes one person to bring change.  If one person reads this and opens their eyes and their heart, that is change.  If that person shares this, either in the blog or the message by word with 20 people, and two of them open their eyes and their heart, that's two more people.

People need to realize that just because some Islamic extremists (Al-Queda) decided to have some people hi-jack and fly some airplanes into some buildings on US soil back on September 11th of 2001, does not mean that all people who "practice" or believe in Islam are terrorists.  Those who commit such acts of atrocity against others... they are the minority.

The actual number of people who are racist are the minority.  You know what's so great about this country?  You know one of the things that makes this country among the richest in the world? The fact that there's no where else in the world you can go and be exposed to so many different religions, races, ethnicities, cultures, ideas, etc. Why is such a wonderful place with soooo many diverse groups of people so full of intolerance? Granted, as I said, I truly believe overall that most people aren't so extreme in their prejudices, or that's been my experience anyway.

To people of any color or heritage: Please, stop assuming or making everything into a racial / hate crime any time it involves someone of a different color or heritage. Unless there is obvious evidence indicating it is so, just stop.  I have a friend who works at a major store who has said that people have come to her asking for an item, and when she told them they were out of stock or didn't carry the item have said to her "It's because I'm (insert whatever) here, isn't it?".  People that pull that kind of shit are the same people who are contributing to the problem.  When a person says something like that "it's because I'm ________, isn't it?", you are assuming the worst from anyone who is not from your country or of your same race, regardless of what race or what country the other is from. You are not giving that person the same chance you would want them to give you.  You want to be treated as equals?  Start treating others as equals too.  You can't expect the world to change around you when you refuse to change yourself.  If you go in to buy flowers for your wedding and you're Arabic, and the flower person tells you "we don't sell flowers to terrorists/Arabs"... then they are being racist and you have every right to feel offended.  If you go in and want orchids, and the flower person tells you they cannot get in any orchids because they are out of season, that does not mean they are not selling you orchids because you're Arabic... they may in fact be out of season, don't turn it into a racial / ethnic thing if it isn't.  (You may substitute Arabic for any race, heritage, straight or gay or whatever.)

Open your eyes.  Open your heart. Don't be part of the problem.  Don't let the media incite you into blind hatred and outrage without making sure you have all of the facts, because there are times the media themselves don't have all the facts and just want to be the first to run the story.  Stop blindly believing anything you read on the internet or see on the news to be 100% true.  Here's a perfect example:

The reporter said they confirmed the names from the NTSB. ZOMG the media lied!  Had Zimmerman said "these effing n*ggers always get away", then that would indicate racism. Even then, do you know who the racist would be?  Zimmerman.  Bringing rioting and war to "whiteys" isn't going to solve the problem, it's only adding to it.  Last I checked, (and this is saying IF Zimmerman was a racist, which there isn't evidence of, it's a hypothetical) Zimmerman was never elected as a representative of all Hispanic or white people... just as those two black kids who set the 13 year old white boy on fire are not representatives of the entire black race.  You want to hate someone?  Hate the racists, the bigots, the homophobes... don't hate on an entire group of people because of a few bad apples.  Love one another.  Respect one another.  Be there for one another.  Give someone who's different than you a chance.  If then you discover that this person is indeed an asshole, then so be it. Assholes come in a variety of colors, from different countries, shapes, and sizes yes, but so do good people... and we must not forget that.

Men, Pervs Even in the Womb... wait what?

Oooook now.  So men think about sex a lot right?  From the moment erections lead to touching themselves and it starting to feel pleasurable, it's pretty much downhill yes?  (If I'm wrong say something, I don't have a penis so I can only go by what I hear.) Well according to Rep. Michael Burgess, R-Texas it starts way WAY sooner than that... like... as young as 15 weeks... in the womb. Yes... according to this douche canoe, male fetuses as young as 15 weeks start masturbating... see what he says for yourself if you're as dumbfounded as I am... riiggghhhhhttttt here.  <-clicky

According to Mr. Burgess, abortion should be limited to 15 weeks because male fetuses have supposedly been observed making motions with their little teeny hands between their legs in a "purposeful" motion.  He says therefore, they obviously feel pleasure, so they should therefore feel pain as well.

You know what's even scarier??  This dude used to be an OB-GYN! Has he ever even looked at an ultra-sound before?  I haven't seen one in person, but I've seen pictures, and those things are blurry as hell!!  It's not like watching a movie on an HD tv, the images are quite blurry and hard to make out.  How the hell can they be so sure the hands are BETWEEN the legs and not say.. to the side of the legs?  Maybe there's a way to tell, but still.  I've read some accounts that say even newborns don't have full motor control over their limbs and such, so if a newborn doesn't, how the hell can a 15 WEEK old fetus have "purposeful" motions?  *enter incredibly disturbing mental image of a fetus furiously masturbating in a womb... /shudders*

I for one, wish the government would stay the hell away from my reproductive organs.  The majority of these douche nozzles are lawyers. Law-yers.  Not doctors.  Yes, on a personal level I do not believe in partial birth abortions at all, unless there is severe and immediate danger to the life of the mother.  I do not believe a mother should be sentenced to death, but otherwise I do not see any reason whatsoever for partial birth abortions.  If it's so far along the fetus could survive outside the womb, it should be given up for adoption, not murdered.  Other abortions I do believe if done at all, should be reserved to early on in the pregnancy, and it should be a private decision between a woman and her doctor... not the fucking government.  I don't believe they should be used as birth control either.  There's pills, and condoms, and shots, and all kinds of birth control you can use to prevent getting pregnant.  People should be trying to be responsible for their own choices and weigh the consequences and accept responsibility.  I do think abortion should remain a choice... especially in cases of rape, incest, or serious health risk to the mother or fetus.  Don't believe in abortions? Don't get one. That is between the woman, her doctor, and whatever deity she may or may not believe in.  Did you know that in some areas, the way the legislation is written, it could be illegal to say (for example) remove a dead fetus from a woman's womb because it's considered an abortion?  I wish I could find this article I read, about a woman who had to have an abortion due to a similar circumstance, and it was determined that had some piece of legislation which was in for votes been passed how it was written, they couldn't have done the abortion and she would have died.  I closed the article and didn't save it, because I read it before this nincompoop Mr. Burgess made these idiotic comments. Also, notice how this lovely Rep dude seems to say only males seem to have "feelings" in the uterus, and not females???  Like, it all comes back to males, "while this legislation is targeting women and limiting women's rights."

You know what though?  Congress wants us to be more responsible and make better choices and stuff right?  They want to poke their nose into our personal lives and legislate what we do with our bodies, whom we can and cannot marry, and all that stuff right?  You know what I think? I think if they want us to start being more responsible, holding ourselves accountable for our own mistakes and choices,  and make better decisions, they should start setting a better example themselves. Lead by example.  What sort of message does it send to the people of this country when our own politicians and government officials are sneaky, conniving, thieving, backstabbing, lying and don't take responsibility for anything they fuck up?  What would motivate the average citizen into being more responsible, when the very people who are "leading" us are not being responsible themselves? The government needs to stay out of legislating any type of medical care.  Would you trust one of your wonderful congresspeople to do your brain surgery?  No?  Then why would you want them legislating ANY type of medical care?!?!  Think about it...

And the Human of the Year Award goes to... *drumroll*

""I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D", for "doughnut.""~Mitch Hedberg

Now as he said, I can't imagine where not getting a receipt for a doughnut being that incredibly detrimental that I'd go storming into my nearest Dunkin' Donuts and causing a big scene over it.  I mean really?  They forgot to get me a receipt, oh well!  It's not like I can return the doughnut if I'm not satisfied or whatever.  Well I mean I could return it one way or another, but not in the condition I purchased it in, and I doubt you'd even be able to tell it at one time used to be a doughnut without doing some super high tech science-y type stuff, which would probably cost eleventy bajillion times more than the cost of the doughnut to begin with.

Well apparently, Dunkin' Donuts has a policy which states that if you do not get a receipt with your order, your order is free.  And I'm sure there's people who take advantage of this because they want free stuff, and are lame. Not lame for wanting free stuff, but lame for scamming the system.

So recently at a DD location in Florida, this self-entitled twat waffle Taylor Chapman walks into a Dunkin' Donuts, puts the poor guy behind the counter "on video surveillance" and proceeds to use extremely "colorful" language, while verbally assaulting some employees, using racist slurs (even calling one employee a "complete cunt sand ni**er whore"), not only to the employees but customers as well... all because she didn't get a receipt for doughnuts or whatever.  Here's an article with a link to the actual video so you can see for yourself.  I will warn you, it is NOT safe for work, or to watch around young children, and you should probably find something to put under your chin to cushion its fall to the floor.

The evidence!

Now, I know... and I mean I know that stuff like this should not surprise me. I've had this conversation with myself before about how I should stop letting things surprise me because every time something really shocks or surprises me, something else will come along not too long after and top that.  EVERY TIME!!! It never fails.  But I will admit I was a bit taken back by her ummm... lovely attitude.  All over not getting a receipt.  I could maybe understand her outrage if she found like... a used condom in her doughnut or something.  But all this over not getting a receipt??  *boggle*

Now if you made it the whole way through the video, you probably had some of the same thoughts as me.

"What does having any sort of degree have to do with the issue?"
"What exactly did she hope to accomplish by her threats and demeanor over the issue?"
"Is Facebook the new FBI or something?"
Or maybe something closer to the effect of:
"Why oh why did her mother not just swallow instead?" or
"Dear Lord, please do not let this waste of air reproduce, thank you! Amen."

Truth be told I actually feel pretty bad for her parents if they're decent people.  I mean, decent people can end up raising monsters for children.  Or maybe they're just as vile as her?  Who knows.  Either way she's a pretty disgusting example for a human being, and a very good example of how NOT to act in public.

I'm telling you what though, those workers there deserve a raise or something.  There is no way... I mean no way in hell I would have been that calm, cool and collected with her speaking to me that way.  At the very least I would have told her "Ma'am, when you can speak to me like a respectable human being, I would be more than happy to help you. But until then, I shall help this gentleman behind you... and get that camera out of my face, kthx."  Then, if it continued, I'd ask her to leave, which she probably wouldn't, and then I'd have to call the police... all while I'm mentally punching her in the throat (twat waffles like her aren't worth prison time over). There's no way I would have been so accommodating to her while treating me and my fellow employees like that.

But really... is this what society is coming to?  I'm pretty sure if I EVER pulled anything like this, even being 32 years old, both of my parents would knock my teeth out of my mouth at the very minimum.  So Taylor, get over yourself.  You're no better than anyone else, nor deserving, and stop sucking up all my oxygen... your head doesn't need to be any more inflated than it already is.  Oh, and make sure you swallow, the world sure as hell doesn't need any more people like you.  Kthx. <3

Omnomnomnom...

I will start this off by saying do not read this if you are very easily offended or scarred. This post may contain some disturbing images / mental images that will be impossible to remove from your brain afterward. I'm all out of brain bleach so I can't help you there.

You know, I keep trying to tell myself not to be surprised when something new and insane comes up. You see, every time I say "That's the dumbest/weirdest/craziest/most moronic/insane/etc. thing I have ever seen!", someone always ends up topping it. Always. So I try to tell myself that I am going to stop being so surprised by these things and just shrug and think to myself "Self, that may have topped the WTF meter for now, and you may have the urge to be astonished by this, but save your energy! Something far more 'astonishing' will occur very soon!" It usually fails, and at least for a short period of time I am completely amazed by whatever it was I heard/seen.  It's like I'd never had that conversation with myself before.  It's kind of like the time my wonderful Mumsie (love you mom!) talked me into getting a perm years ago. I personally hate the way my hair looks with a perm, and how it looks on me. I don't even know how to describe it (and no I'm not posting pictures!! lol). So fast forward to a year and a half ago. I was complaining about how flat and fine and blah my hair is to my mom. Literally, most of the time I could (could... but don't) spend like... two hours on my hair.  Fifteen minutes later it's all flat and blah again. So I'm talking to my mom about my blah hair and she's like "Hey! You should get a perm! It'll add more body and stuff to your hair!" and I was like "OMG this is a great idea!" completely forgetting about how much I hated the way my hair looked on me permed years ago.  I make an appointment, and no sooner than the relaxer is done and the curlers are out of my hair I'm like "Fuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkk..." it all came flooding back to me. I told my new hair lady about this, and made her take a blood oath that if I ever even mentioned the word perm she'd bitchslap some sense into me and remind me of why I will never ever again get a perm.

I mean, in my mere 32 years on this planet so far I've come across some pretty strange/weird/moronic/stupid/insane things.  Things like this pastor lady who (likely) stiffed a waitress, the iPotty, and many other odd people, things, doodads or thingymajigs. I totally had this huge list in my head of messed up stuff too.  This whole blog post actually was in my head, ready to type up and ready to go. But as I sat down and got to this part where I was going to name a bunch of "WTF" stuff my mind went totally blank.  It may be still scarred from what I seen, and knew about the photo I was about to attach and ran away into hiding or witness protection or something. I have no idea.  My brain sort of just does its own thing, like it has a mind of its own or something.

Anyways...

I was reading a list earlier (ok a while back, I had this topic saved and was going to publish this months ago but some real life stuff happened and I put my writing on hold, yeah yeah I know I gotta stop that) of "what not to get your man for Single's Awareness Day (the list, unfortunately I may have accidentally closed when I opened up the link to the following, so unfortunately I do not have the list)... er I mean Valentine's day and one of the items on the list just really triggered the WTF factor for me. DIY Edible Meat Underwear...

Yes you read that right.  Edible. Brief. Freaking. Jerky. Underwear.  Now this is supposedly a different pattern from what is on the DIY site, but it's the only photo of the completed project on an actual living, breathing human model. At least I think he's breathing? Or maybe he's afraid to I'm not so sure. I am enclosing the picture on the blog so you can be mentally scarred just like I am. Hey, why should I be the only one to suffer?

Now, I am not a guy at all.  I'm a woman.  I have ta-tas and a vagina.  I have never had a penis attached to my body in any way, shape or form. I was born a woman and always have been.  So keep this in mind while I speak on this... creation.  I do not know what it's like to have a penis or balls attached to my body, so I'm purely guessing here.

I imagine the reason there was only one shot available of these puppies on a live human model is because they look uncomfortable as hell.  I mean that is either one very hairy and manly woman, or that dude's junk is so smashed up against his body he might have to call in the jaws of life just to free willy and friends, or the poor guy just has not been blessed at all in the male equipment department.  I'm not sure which of the above it is, but either way there's no way in hell that can actually be comfortable.  I'm fairly certain his "buddies" are singing for liberation from their new found prison. So there's strike one.

Strike two, and maybe it's just me but, I'm not really too awful fond of the idea of part of a dead animal carcass pressed up against my hoo-hah, so I'd imagine the idea would kind of go the same way for guys?  I mean, a man's "boys" are typically one of his most favorite and most protected things in his life correct?  Meat is part of an animal... usually. Who would want a dead, dried animal all over their goods?  Perhaps men don't really think about stuff like this.  Perhaps most "normal" people don't either.  But I digress (I seem to do that alot)...  Either way, the idea grosses me out.

I mean, I see the purpose is supposed to be along the idea of... grabbin' a snack... before you snack. Like "Yo lady, I heard you like snacks, so I made this snack so you can snack before you snack and while you snack"... or something.  Which would be great and all, but have you gnawed on a piece of beef jerky? I mean really. It's not like normal food where you can chomp it down in a few bites. It can take up to five minutes to chew through a small piece of beef jerky... so can you imagine how long it would take to gnaw this off your man so you can get to his goods for sexy fun time??  By the time you get the boys freed, I'm fairly certain you'll probably have lock jaw, and he's either passed out or terrified (more on that later).

"unneh... eye aww... eye 'ant o-en or ose eye awww!!"  (That is lock-jaw speak for "Hunny! My jaw!  I can't open or close my jaw!!!)

I imagine it's not very... "airy" either... so his junk by then is probably all sweaty and stuff by the time you eat through enough to get them off and get to the goods.  I suppose a plus is... hey his "goods" now taste like beef jerky instead of... normal more au naturale umm... flavoring??? So the amount of time this would take is also a factor, unless you have some sort of super top secret prototype chompers capable of devouring the toughest of beef jerky in a few easy bites... which brings me to the following...

Speaking of gnawing... (and this brings me to strike three) what man on earth would want a woman gnawing aggressively on this "brief jerky" contraption, trying to get it off while so close to his boys?  One wrong misplaced chomp? I dunno, but I'd be pretty nervous about someone chewing with that much force near my goods.  It may be difficult to actually "misbite" something, I don't know, but... you know what... I am going to save you from any farther emotional scarring by describing all of these crazy mental images I have.  I'm sure you may possibly be scarred enough as is, and I've already put way so much thought into this it even scares me! See how nice of a person I am?  Here I am suffering and I'm sparing you from doing any more of the same.

Ahhh... the Miracles of Daytime Television

Ok so I have always been fascinated with psychology.  Why do people do the things they do?  How can people be so stupid? Why is common sense, really not that common at all? Why can't people just admit if they make a mistake and accept responsibility, instead of blaming it on everyone and everything else in existence?  Where did it become common for people to think that they deserve anything and everything just because they happen to be breathing?

"Hey guys!! I'm breathing!! Whew this is hard stuff! I think because I have managed this magnificent feat, someone should give me _______"

Anyway. Every once in a while I manage to catch a television program that makes me feel so much better about my life.  "Hey, at least I don't have those people's problems!  Yowza!"

Now this has crossed my mind before, but it hit me again today.  I was watching the Steve Wilkos show, and afterward Maury came on. And as usual, it was a paternity show.

(I also find it interesting that when I Googled images for "You are not the father", one of the images shown was a picture of Skippy Natural Peanut Butter... *scratches head*)


Here's what I don't get. It's pretty much always the same thing.  Woman comes out and claims she is 100% sure Billy Bob or whoever is their "baby daddy".  Actually, let me stop there for a moment.  I can't stand that term... "baby daddy".  I don't care if you're black, white, Hispanic, Asian, from Mars, whatever... no one should use this term.  Not that it's offensive or anything really, just that... it just irritates me to no end. Anywhos, Billy Bob comes out and is like:

"There ain't no way I'm that baby daddy.  I am 100%, no 110% sure that there is no way in hell I'm that baby's daddy! Mary's a ho, she be sleepin around with at least 10 other guys I'm sure. Mark said that he seen her mackin on at least five different dudes in ONE NIGHT at the club! Blah blah I am NOT that baby's daddy!"

Ok there Billy Bob. Let me ask you a question.  Did you sleep with Mary?  As in, did you at any point in time have sexual intercourse with Mary anywhere near the time she got pregnant?  You did?  Allow me to provide you with a basic science type lesson.

Any time you have sexual intercourse with a woman, regardless of birth control, use of condoms, spermicide, whatever.  There is a chance of her getting pregnant.  Birth control can fail, condoms can break. So if you had sexual relations with her, I am 100% sure that you cannot be 100% sure that is not your baby, because if you slept with her, there is a chance it is yours.  Now, I could understand denying that's your child if Mary is white, and you are white, and the baby is an orangutang or something, but aside from that there is no way you can be 100% sure it's not your child if you had sex with her around the time she got pregnant.

"You ARE the father!"

Then he's all like "NOooooooooo!!!!!! There's no way man!!"

Or, (not going to bust on just the guys here) let's say it comes back he's NOT the father.  There Mary was just a few moments earlier saying about how she wasn't with anyone else, that Billy Bob is the only person she'd slept with, so there's just no way anyone else is the father.  She'll even go so far as to point at a picture up on the screen behind her of the baby and father in question and go "Look Maury!  Look at those eyes, they have the same eyebrows and nose and ears, and they even have the same toes!"

"You are NOT the father!"

Then she'll go running off stage with her head buried in her hands, bawling her eyes out and super embarrassed because here she was claiming that she hadn't been with anyone else and she knew, she just knew Billy Bob was her "baby daddy"... and now she looks like a lying whore in front of millions of television viewers.

To these women I pose a question.  How can you take someone on NATIONAL TELEVISION, knowing that you have in fact, slept with more than just Billy Bob near the time of conception, claiming 100% that Billy Bob is your baby's father?  I'd have more respect for these women if they'd just go on there and be honest and be like "Well, I'm pretty sure Billy Bob is the father, but I also slept with Joe around the same time so it could be his too."  Why lie?  Or maybe you're like that one woman who tested like, 16 different guys and you're a ho.  That's fine, just admit you're a ho instead of making even more of an ass out of yourself.  Personally, I'd opt for learning how to keep your damn legs closed, but if that somehow isn't an option for you at least be honest about it, make sure you're on birth control or sterilized or something.

Oh and don't even get me started on those lie detector shows. Unless you're a psychopath, highly trained CIA operative / spy type person or have lied to yourself so much that you eventually end up believing your own lies... there's no way in hell you're beating a lie detector.  If you're dumb enough to agree to go on national television knowing you're taking a lie detector test, you might as well fess up.

Ahhhh. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that kind of drama.

Here's a tip... just kidding!!!

Picture this... Applebee's, January 25th, 2013.  You're a waitress.  You make a whopping $3.50 an hour and depend on your tips (which are taxed) in order to even break minimum wage.  Perhaps you're having a smooth evening and all the planets are aligned perfectly and it's just a super day!  Perhaps you're running around like a circus monkey on methamphetamine trying to grab the last banana from your banana thieving brothers and sisters *shakes fist*.  Regardless, you're tending to all of your customers, taking their orders, making sure their drinks are filled and their empty plates are taken from the table, and keeping a bright beaming smile on your face.  In comes a party with 20 people, and you keep doing your groove thing and take care of them.  Everything seems to be moving along, and you receive this:

W...T...F?

In case you haven't heard of this (which, if you spend any time at all on Facebook or Twitter, you've probably seen it posted about at least eleven million times.) on January 25th, a woman by the name of (pastor) Alois Bell dined at an Applebee's in St. Louis and left this on the receipt. Now, there is misinformation going around that the waitress that tended to the pastor's table was fired, but this is not apparently the case.  The pastor's waitress had showed this receipt to a coworker, Chelsea, who later on took a picture of this receipt and posted it on Reddit "as a lighthearted joke", saying she "thought the note was insulting, but also comical."  The pastor, upon hearing about her new internet fame, called the Applebee's, and Chelsea was promptly fired.

The pastor claims she "used bad judgement" in writing her note, but claims her heart is broken due to the embarrassment she brought to her church and ministry, and also that people don't know the whole story... that she left $6.29 on the table (which is conveniently the amount she crossed out on the receipt) and that her credit card was also charged the tip amount. (I'm doubting this for some reason, perhaps it's her winning attitude.)  There's more though!  Chelsea also says that sometime Wednesday, the customer who left the receipt contacted her Applebee's location and demanded everyone be fired, from the servers involved to the managers.

Regardless of what the actual facts are, I can understand (did not say I did or did not agree with, just that I understand) Applebee's reasoning in firing the waitress in question.  Chelsea could have at least blocked out the pastor's name, people could get a laugh, and everyone goes about their day.  I understand they want their customers to know that their information is going to be safe and their privacy respected... I get that.  But I'm also slightly torn because, well, this pastor lady is a total douchenozzle and a very poor example of how a "good Christian" should conduct themselves... especially a pastor of a church!!!! A pastor, or anyone that is in a position of leadership with people following them should lead by and set a good example for others to follow.  Yes I realize there's a metric fuckton of people who do not follow this rule (*cough* politicians for one *cough*), but one in such a position should conduct themselves in a manner that portrays a good example for others to follow and not act like a freaking twat.

I mean really... what the hell was the point or message she was trying to convey here?  It's not the waitresses fault that Applebee's autofuckingmatically adds an 18% gratuity amount to any tables with more than six people (the bill for everyone was higher than the $34.93 listed, they had asked for the bill to be split up possibly in an attempt to circumvent the automatic gratuity).  Did she think the waitress used her Jedi mind powers to hack into the computer system and make it automatically add the gratuity to their bill for her own personal gain?

If anything, she should have taken up her issue with the gratuity with the manager, not left an incredibly ignorant message on a receipt with a waitress only making a whopping $3.50 an hour and depending on her tips to attempt to pay her bills.  Chelsea had explained that after sharing her tips with hosts, bussers, and bartenders, she makes (or made rather, since she has since been canned) less than $9 an hour on average before taxes. And what was her purpose for emphasizing that she was a pastor?  Does this automatically put her above anyone who is not a pastor?

I was a waitress for like... a week or two. Maybe three, but definitely no longer than that.  "Why such a short period of time?" you may ask.  Part of it is that I have a love/hate relationship with people.  I love people, I just strongly dislike anyone who has no common sense and is an idiotic, self-centered twat who thinks they deserve anything and everything simply because they breathe and who can accept no blame if they are in the wrong or make a mistake... but I digress.

Please, if you eat out/order delivery/etc., don't forget that these people often work for less than minimum wage.  They often have to deal with really shitty, nasty people (as I'm sure you do too). There's no reason to treat them like a slave, or like you're better than they are.  They're just trying to work and pay their bills / get through college / whatever... they're people too.  And more often than not they are depending on those tips in order to even make minimum wage, and it's often shared with other bussers, hosts, bartenders, etc that are working that night.  Don't be a douchenozzle... k?  <3