Ahhh... the Miracles of Daytime Television

Ok so I have always been fascinated with psychology.  Why do people do the things they do?  How can people be so stupid? Why is common sense, really not that common at all? Why can't people just admit if they make a mistake and accept responsibility, instead of blaming it on everyone and everything else in existence?  Where did it become common for people to think that they deserve anything and everything just because they happen to be breathing?

"Hey guys!! I'm breathing!! Whew this is hard stuff! I think because I have managed this magnificent feat, someone should give me _______"

Anyway. Every once in a while I manage to catch a television program that makes me feel so much better about my life.  "Hey, at least I don't have those people's problems!  Yowza!"

Now this has crossed my mind before, but it hit me again today.  I was watching the Steve Wilkos show, and afterward Maury came on. And as usual, it was a paternity show.

(I also find it interesting that when I Googled images for "You are not the father", one of the images shown was a picture of Skippy Natural Peanut Butter... *scratches head*)


Here's what I don't get. It's pretty much always the same thing.  Woman comes out and claims she is 100% sure Billy Bob or whoever is their "baby daddy".  Actually, let me stop there for a moment.  I can't stand that term... "baby daddy".  I don't care if you're black, white, Hispanic, Asian, from Mars, whatever... no one should use this term.  Not that it's offensive or anything really, just that... it just irritates me to no end. Anywhos, Billy Bob comes out and is like:

"There ain't no way I'm that baby daddy.  I am 100%, no 110% sure that there is no way in hell I'm that baby's daddy! Mary's a ho, she be sleepin around with at least 10 other guys I'm sure. Mark said that he seen her mackin on at least five different dudes in ONE NIGHT at the club! Blah blah I am NOT that baby's daddy!"

Ok there Billy Bob. Let me ask you a question.  Did you sleep with Mary?  As in, did you at any point in time have sexual intercourse with Mary anywhere near the time she got pregnant?  You did?  Allow me to provide you with a basic science type lesson.

Any time you have sexual intercourse with a woman, regardless of birth control, use of condoms, spermicide, whatever.  There is a chance of her getting pregnant.  Birth control can fail, condoms can break. So if you had sexual relations with her, I am 100% sure that you cannot be 100% sure that is not your baby, because if you slept with her, there is a chance it is yours.  Now, I could understand denying that's your child if Mary is white, and you are white, and the baby is an orangutang or something, but aside from that there is no way you can be 100% sure it's not your child if you had sex with her around the time she got pregnant.

"You ARE the father!"

Then he's all like "NOooooooooo!!!!!! There's no way man!!"

Or, (not going to bust on just the guys here) let's say it comes back he's NOT the father.  There Mary was just a few moments earlier saying about how she wasn't with anyone else, that Billy Bob is the only person she'd slept with, so there's just no way anyone else is the father.  She'll even go so far as to point at a picture up on the screen behind her of the baby and father in question and go "Look Maury!  Look at those eyes, they have the same eyebrows and nose and ears, and they even have the same toes!"

"You are NOT the father!"

Then she'll go running off stage with her head buried in her hands, bawling her eyes out and super embarrassed because here she was claiming that she hadn't been with anyone else and she knew, she just knew Billy Bob was her "baby daddy"... and now she looks like a lying whore in front of millions of television viewers.

To these women I pose a question.  How can you take someone on NATIONAL TELEVISION, knowing that you have in fact, slept with more than just Billy Bob near the time of conception, claiming 100% that Billy Bob is your baby's father?  I'd have more respect for these women if they'd just go on there and be honest and be like "Well, I'm pretty sure Billy Bob is the father, but I also slept with Joe around the same time so it could be his too."  Why lie?  Or maybe you're like that one woman who tested like, 16 different guys and you're a ho.  That's fine, just admit you're a ho instead of making even more of an ass out of yourself.  Personally, I'd opt for learning how to keep your damn legs closed, but if that somehow isn't an option for you at least be honest about it, make sure you're on birth control or sterilized or something.

Oh and don't even get me started on those lie detector shows. Unless you're a psychopath, highly trained CIA operative / spy type person or have lied to yourself so much that you eventually end up believing your own lies... there's no way in hell you're beating a lie detector.  If you're dumb enough to agree to go on national television knowing you're taking a lie detector test, you might as well fess up.

Ahhhh. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that kind of drama.