Ahhh... the Miracles of Daytime Television

Ok so I have always been fascinated with psychology.  Why do people do the things they do?  How can people be so stupid? Why is common sense, really not that common at all? Why can't people just admit if they make a mistake and accept responsibility, instead of blaming it on everyone and everything else in existence?  Where did it become common for people to think that they deserve anything and everything just because they happen to be breathing?

"Hey guys!! I'm breathing!! Whew this is hard stuff! I think because I have managed this magnificent feat, someone should give me _______"

Anyway. Every once in a while I manage to catch a television program that makes me feel so much better about my life.  "Hey, at least I don't have those people's problems!  Yowza!"

Now this has crossed my mind before, but it hit me again today.  I was watching the Steve Wilkos show, and afterward Maury came on. And as usual, it was a paternity show.

(I also find it interesting that when I Googled images for "You are not the father", one of the images shown was a picture of Skippy Natural Peanut Butter... *scratches head*)


Here's what I don't get. It's pretty much always the same thing.  Woman comes out and claims she is 100% sure Billy Bob or whoever is their "baby daddy".  Actually, let me stop there for a moment.  I can't stand that term... "baby daddy".  I don't care if you're black, white, Hispanic, Asian, from Mars, whatever... no one should use this term.  Not that it's offensive or anything really, just that... it just irritates me to no end. Anywhos, Billy Bob comes out and is like:

"There ain't no way I'm that baby daddy.  I am 100%, no 110% sure that there is no way in hell I'm that baby's daddy! Mary's a ho, she be sleepin around with at least 10 other guys I'm sure. Mark said that he seen her mackin on at least five different dudes in ONE NIGHT at the club! Blah blah I am NOT that baby's daddy!"

Ok there Billy Bob. Let me ask you a question.  Did you sleep with Mary?  As in, did you at any point in time have sexual intercourse with Mary anywhere near the time she got pregnant?  You did?  Allow me to provide you with a basic science type lesson.

Any time you have sexual intercourse with a woman, regardless of birth control, use of condoms, spermicide, whatever.  There is a chance of her getting pregnant.  Birth control can fail, condoms can break. So if you had sexual relations with her, I am 100% sure that you cannot be 100% sure that is not your baby, because if you slept with her, there is a chance it is yours.  Now, I could understand denying that's your child if Mary is white, and you are white, and the baby is an orangutang or something, but aside from that there is no way you can be 100% sure it's not your child if you had sex with her around the time she got pregnant.

"You ARE the father!"

Then he's all like "NOooooooooo!!!!!! There's no way man!!"

Or, (not going to bust on just the guys here) let's say it comes back he's NOT the father.  There Mary was just a few moments earlier saying about how she wasn't with anyone else, that Billy Bob is the only person she'd slept with, so there's just no way anyone else is the father.  She'll even go so far as to point at a picture up on the screen behind her of the baby and father in question and go "Look Maury!  Look at those eyes, they have the same eyebrows and nose and ears, and they even have the same toes!"

"You are NOT the father!"

Then she'll go running off stage with her head buried in her hands, bawling her eyes out and super embarrassed because here she was claiming that she hadn't been with anyone else and she knew, she just knew Billy Bob was her "baby daddy"... and now she looks like a lying whore in front of millions of television viewers.

To these women I pose a question.  How can you take someone on NATIONAL TELEVISION, knowing that you have in fact, slept with more than just Billy Bob near the time of conception, claiming 100% that Billy Bob is your baby's father?  I'd have more respect for these women if they'd just go on there and be honest and be like "Well, I'm pretty sure Billy Bob is the father, but I also slept with Joe around the same time so it could be his too."  Why lie?  Or maybe you're like that one woman who tested like, 16 different guys and you're a ho.  That's fine, just admit you're a ho instead of making even more of an ass out of yourself.  Personally, I'd opt for learning how to keep your damn legs closed, but if that somehow isn't an option for you at least be honest about it, make sure you're on birth control or sterilized or something.

Oh and don't even get me started on those lie detector shows. Unless you're a psychopath, highly trained CIA operative / spy type person or have lied to yourself so much that you eventually end up believing your own lies... there's no way in hell you're beating a lie detector.  If you're dumb enough to agree to go on national television knowing you're taking a lie detector test, you might as well fess up.

Ahhhh. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that kind of drama.

Here's a tip... just kidding!!!

Picture this... Applebee's, January 25th, 2013.  You're a waitress.  You make a whopping $3.50 an hour and depend on your tips (which are taxed) in order to even break minimum wage.  Perhaps you're having a smooth evening and all the planets are aligned perfectly and it's just a super day!  Perhaps you're running around like a circus monkey on methamphetamine trying to grab the last banana from your banana thieving brothers and sisters *shakes fist*.  Regardless, you're tending to all of your customers, taking their orders, making sure their drinks are filled and their empty plates are taken from the table, and keeping a bright beaming smile on your face.  In comes a party with 20 people, and you keep doing your groove thing and take care of them.  Everything seems to be moving along, and you receive this:

W...T...F?

In case you haven't heard of this (which, if you spend any time at all on Facebook or Twitter, you've probably seen it posted about at least eleven million times.) on January 25th, a woman by the name of (pastor) Alois Bell dined at an Applebee's in St. Louis and left this on the receipt. Now, there is misinformation going around that the waitress that tended to the pastor's table was fired, but this is not apparently the case.  The pastor's waitress had showed this receipt to a coworker, Chelsea, who later on took a picture of this receipt and posted it on Reddit "as a lighthearted joke", saying she "thought the note was insulting, but also comical."  The pastor, upon hearing about her new internet fame, called the Applebee's, and Chelsea was promptly fired.

The pastor claims she "used bad judgement" in writing her note, but claims her heart is broken due to the embarrassment she brought to her church and ministry, and also that people don't know the whole story... that she left $6.29 on the table (which is conveniently the amount she crossed out on the receipt) and that her credit card was also charged the tip amount. (I'm doubting this for some reason, perhaps it's her winning attitude.)  There's more though!  Chelsea also says that sometime Wednesday, the customer who left the receipt contacted her Applebee's location and demanded everyone be fired, from the servers involved to the managers.

Regardless of what the actual facts are, I can understand (did not say I did or did not agree with, just that I understand) Applebee's reasoning in firing the waitress in question.  Chelsea could have at least blocked out the pastor's name, people could get a laugh, and everyone goes about their day.  I understand they want their customers to know that their information is going to be safe and their privacy respected... I get that.  But I'm also slightly torn because, well, this pastor lady is a total douchenozzle and a very poor example of how a "good Christian" should conduct themselves... especially a pastor of a church!!!! A pastor, or anyone that is in a position of leadership with people following them should lead by and set a good example for others to follow.  Yes I realize there's a metric fuckton of people who do not follow this rule (*cough* politicians for one *cough*), but one in such a position should conduct themselves in a manner that portrays a good example for others to follow and not act like a freaking twat.

I mean really... what the hell was the point or message she was trying to convey here?  It's not the waitresses fault that Applebee's autofuckingmatically adds an 18% gratuity amount to any tables with more than six people (the bill for everyone was higher than the $34.93 listed, they had asked for the bill to be split up possibly in an attempt to circumvent the automatic gratuity).  Did she think the waitress used her Jedi mind powers to hack into the computer system and make it automatically add the gratuity to their bill for her own personal gain?

If anything, she should have taken up her issue with the gratuity with the manager, not left an incredibly ignorant message on a receipt with a waitress only making a whopping $3.50 an hour and depending on her tips to attempt to pay her bills.  Chelsea had explained that after sharing her tips with hosts, bussers, and bartenders, she makes (or made rather, since she has since been canned) less than $9 an hour on average before taxes. And what was her purpose for emphasizing that she was a pastor?  Does this automatically put her above anyone who is not a pastor?

I was a waitress for like... a week or two. Maybe three, but definitely no longer than that.  "Why such a short period of time?" you may ask.  Part of it is that I have a love/hate relationship with people.  I love people, I just strongly dislike anyone who has no common sense and is an idiotic, self-centered twat who thinks they deserve anything and everything simply because they breathe and who can accept no blame if they are in the wrong or make a mistake... but I digress.

Please, if you eat out/order delivery/etc., don't forget that these people often work for less than minimum wage.  They often have to deal with really shitty, nasty people (as I'm sure you do too). There's no reason to treat them like a slave, or like you're better than they are.  They're just trying to work and pay their bills / get through college / whatever... they're people too.  And more often than not they are depending on those tips in order to even make minimum wage, and it's often shared with other bussers, hosts, bartenders, etc that are working that night.  Don't be a douchenozzle... k?  <3