Men, Pervs Even in the Womb... wait what?

Oooook now.  So men think about sex a lot right?  From the moment erections lead to touching themselves and it starting to feel pleasurable, it's pretty much downhill yes?  (If I'm wrong say something, I don't have a penis so I can only go by what I hear.) Well according to Rep. Michael Burgess, R-Texas it starts way WAY sooner than that... like... as young as 15 weeks... in the womb. Yes... according to this douche canoe, male fetuses as young as 15 weeks start masturbating... see what he says for yourself if you're as dumbfounded as I am... riiggghhhhhttttt here.  <-clicky

According to Mr. Burgess, abortion should be limited to 15 weeks because male fetuses have supposedly been observed making motions with their little teeny hands between their legs in a "purposeful" motion.  He says therefore, they obviously feel pleasure, so they should therefore feel pain as well.

You know what's even scarier??  This dude used to be an OB-GYN! Has he ever even looked at an ultra-sound before?  I haven't seen one in person, but I've seen pictures, and those things are blurry as hell!!  It's not like watching a movie on an HD tv, the images are quite blurry and hard to make out.  How the hell can they be so sure the hands are BETWEEN the legs and not say.. to the side of the legs?  Maybe there's a way to tell, but still.  I've read some accounts that say even newborns don't have full motor control over their limbs and such, so if a newborn doesn't, how the hell can a 15 WEEK old fetus have "purposeful" motions?  *enter incredibly disturbing mental image of a fetus furiously masturbating in a womb... /shudders*

I for one, wish the government would stay the hell away from my reproductive organs.  The majority of these douche nozzles are lawyers. Law-yers.  Not doctors.  Yes, on a personal level I do not believe in partial birth abortions at all, unless there is severe and immediate danger to the life of the mother.  I do not believe a mother should be sentenced to death, but otherwise I do not see any reason whatsoever for partial birth abortions.  If it's so far along the fetus could survive outside the womb, it should be given up for adoption, not murdered.  Other abortions I do believe if done at all, should be reserved to early on in the pregnancy, and it should be a private decision between a woman and her doctor... not the fucking government.  I don't believe they should be used as birth control either.  There's pills, and condoms, and shots, and all kinds of birth control you can use to prevent getting pregnant.  People should be trying to be responsible for their own choices and weigh the consequences and accept responsibility.  I do think abortion should remain a choice... especially in cases of rape, incest, or serious health risk to the mother or fetus.  Don't believe in abortions? Don't get one. That is between the woman, her doctor, and whatever deity she may or may not believe in.  Did you know that in some areas, the way the legislation is written, it could be illegal to say (for example) remove a dead fetus from a woman's womb because it's considered an abortion?  I wish I could find this article I read, about a woman who had to have an abortion due to a similar circumstance, and it was determined that had some piece of legislation which was in for votes been passed how it was written, they couldn't have done the abortion and she would have died.  I closed the article and didn't save it, because I read it before this nincompoop Mr. Burgess made these idiotic comments. Also, notice how this lovely Rep dude seems to say only males seem to have "feelings" in the uterus, and not females???  Like, it all comes back to males, "while this legislation is targeting women and limiting women's rights."

You know what though?  Congress wants us to be more responsible and make better choices and stuff right?  They want to poke their nose into our personal lives and legislate what we do with our bodies, whom we can and cannot marry, and all that stuff right?  You know what I think? I think if they want us to start being more responsible, holding ourselves accountable for our own mistakes and choices,  and make better decisions, they should start setting a better example themselves. Lead by example.  What sort of message does it send to the people of this country when our own politicians and government officials are sneaky, conniving, thieving, backstabbing, lying and don't take responsibility for anything they fuck up?  What would motivate the average citizen into being more responsible, when the very people who are "leading" us are not being responsible themselves? The government needs to stay out of legislating any type of medical care.  Would you trust one of your wonderful congresspeople to do your brain surgery?  No?  Then why would you want them legislating ANY type of medical care?!?!  Think about it...

And the Human of the Year Award goes to... *drumroll*

""I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D", for "doughnut.""~Mitch Hedberg

Now as he said, I can't imagine where not getting a receipt for a doughnut being that incredibly detrimental that I'd go storming into my nearest Dunkin' Donuts and causing a big scene over it.  I mean really?  They forgot to get me a receipt, oh well!  It's not like I can return the doughnut if I'm not satisfied or whatever.  Well I mean I could return it one way or another, but not in the condition I purchased it in, and I doubt you'd even be able to tell it at one time used to be a doughnut without doing some super high tech science-y type stuff, which would probably cost eleventy bajillion times more than the cost of the doughnut to begin with.

Well apparently, Dunkin' Donuts has a policy which states that if you do not get a receipt with your order, your order is free.  And I'm sure there's people who take advantage of this because they want free stuff, and are lame. Not lame for wanting free stuff, but lame for scamming the system.

So recently at a DD location in Florida, this self-entitled twat waffle Taylor Chapman walks into a Dunkin' Donuts, puts the poor guy behind the counter "on video surveillance" and proceeds to use extremely "colorful" language, while verbally assaulting some employees, using racist slurs (even calling one employee a "complete cunt sand ni**er whore"), not only to the employees but customers as well... all because she didn't get a receipt for doughnuts or whatever.  Here's an article with a link to the actual video so you can see for yourself.  I will warn you, it is NOT safe for work, or to watch around young children, and you should probably find something to put under your chin to cushion its fall to the floor.

The evidence!

Now, I know... and I mean I know that stuff like this should not surprise me. I've had this conversation with myself before about how I should stop letting things surprise me because every time something really shocks or surprises me, something else will come along not too long after and top that.  EVERY TIME!!! It never fails.  But I will admit I was a bit taken back by her ummm... lovely attitude.  All over not getting a receipt.  I could maybe understand her outrage if she found like... a used condom in her doughnut or something.  But all this over not getting a receipt??  *boggle*

Now if you made it the whole way through the video, you probably had some of the same thoughts as me.

"What does having any sort of degree have to do with the issue?"
"What exactly did she hope to accomplish by her threats and demeanor over the issue?"
"Is Facebook the new FBI or something?"
Or maybe something closer to the effect of:
"Why oh why did her mother not just swallow instead?" or
"Dear Lord, please do not let this waste of air reproduce, thank you! Amen."

Truth be told I actually feel pretty bad for her parents if they're decent people.  I mean, decent people can end up raising monsters for children.  Or maybe they're just as vile as her?  Who knows.  Either way she's a pretty disgusting example for a human being, and a very good example of how NOT to act in public.

I'm telling you what though, those workers there deserve a raise or something.  There is no way... I mean no way in hell I would have been that calm, cool and collected with her speaking to me that way.  At the very least I would have told her "Ma'am, when you can speak to me like a respectable human being, I would be more than happy to help you. But until then, I shall help this gentleman behind you... and get that camera out of my face, kthx."  Then, if it continued, I'd ask her to leave, which she probably wouldn't, and then I'd have to call the police... all while I'm mentally punching her in the throat (twat waffles like her aren't worth prison time over). There's no way I would have been so accommodating to her while treating me and my fellow employees like that.

But really... is this what society is coming to?  I'm pretty sure if I EVER pulled anything like this, even being 32 years old, both of my parents would knock my teeth out of my mouth at the very minimum.  So Taylor, get over yourself.  You're no better than anyone else, nor deserving, and stop sucking up all my oxygen... your head doesn't need to be any more inflated than it already is.  Oh, and make sure you swallow, the world sure as hell doesn't need any more people like you.  Kthx. <3

Omnomnomnom...

I will start this off by saying do not read this if you are very easily offended or scarred. This post may contain some disturbing images / mental images that will be impossible to remove from your brain afterward. I'm all out of brain bleach so I can't help you there.

You know, I keep trying to tell myself not to be surprised when something new and insane comes up. You see, every time I say "That's the dumbest/weirdest/craziest/most moronic/insane/etc. thing I have ever seen!", someone always ends up topping it. Always. So I try to tell myself that I am going to stop being so surprised by these things and just shrug and think to myself "Self, that may have topped the WTF meter for now, and you may have the urge to be astonished by this, but save your energy! Something far more 'astonishing' will occur very soon!" It usually fails, and at least for a short period of time I am completely amazed by whatever it was I heard/seen.  It's like I'd never had that conversation with myself before.  It's kind of like the time my wonderful Mumsie (love you mom!) talked me into getting a perm years ago. I personally hate the way my hair looks with a perm, and how it looks on me. I don't even know how to describe it (and no I'm not posting pictures!! lol). So fast forward to a year and a half ago. I was complaining about how flat and fine and blah my hair is to my mom. Literally, most of the time I could (could... but don't) spend like... two hours on my hair.  Fifteen minutes later it's all flat and blah again. So I'm talking to my mom about my blah hair and she's like "Hey! You should get a perm! It'll add more body and stuff to your hair!" and I was like "OMG this is a great idea!" completely forgetting about how much I hated the way my hair looked on me permed years ago.  I make an appointment, and no sooner than the relaxer is done and the curlers are out of my hair I'm like "Fuuuuuuuuuccckkkkkk..." it all came flooding back to me. I told my new hair lady about this, and made her take a blood oath that if I ever even mentioned the word perm she'd bitchslap some sense into me and remind me of why I will never ever again get a perm.

I mean, in my mere 32 years on this planet so far I've come across some pretty strange/weird/moronic/stupid/insane things.  Things like this pastor lady who (likely) stiffed a waitress, the iPotty, and many other odd people, things, doodads or thingymajigs. I totally had this huge list in my head of messed up stuff too.  This whole blog post actually was in my head, ready to type up and ready to go. But as I sat down and got to this part where I was going to name a bunch of "WTF" stuff my mind went totally blank.  It may be still scarred from what I seen, and knew about the photo I was about to attach and ran away into hiding or witness protection or something. I have no idea.  My brain sort of just does its own thing, like it has a mind of its own or something.

Anyways...

I was reading a list earlier (ok a while back, I had this topic saved and was going to publish this months ago but some real life stuff happened and I put my writing on hold, yeah yeah I know I gotta stop that) of "what not to get your man for Single's Awareness Day (the list, unfortunately I may have accidentally closed when I opened up the link to the following, so unfortunately I do not have the list)... er I mean Valentine's day and one of the items on the list just really triggered the WTF factor for me. DIY Edible Meat Underwear...

Yes you read that right.  Edible. Brief. Freaking. Jerky. Underwear.  Now this is supposedly a different pattern from what is on the DIY site, but it's the only photo of the completed project on an actual living, breathing human model. At least I think he's breathing? Or maybe he's afraid to I'm not so sure. I am enclosing the picture on the blog so you can be mentally scarred just like I am. Hey, why should I be the only one to suffer?

Now, I am not a guy at all.  I'm a woman.  I have ta-tas and a vagina.  I have never had a penis attached to my body in any way, shape or form. I was born a woman and always have been.  So keep this in mind while I speak on this... creation.  I do not know what it's like to have a penis or balls attached to my body, so I'm purely guessing here.

I imagine the reason there was only one shot available of these puppies on a live human model is because they look uncomfortable as hell.  I mean that is either one very hairy and manly woman, or that dude's junk is so smashed up against his body he might have to call in the jaws of life just to free willy and friends, or the poor guy just has not been blessed at all in the male equipment department.  I'm not sure which of the above it is, but either way there's no way in hell that can actually be comfortable.  I'm fairly certain his "buddies" are singing for liberation from their new found prison. So there's strike one.

Strike two, and maybe it's just me but, I'm not really too awful fond of the idea of part of a dead animal carcass pressed up against my hoo-hah, so I'd imagine the idea would kind of go the same way for guys?  I mean, a man's "boys" are typically one of his most favorite and most protected things in his life correct?  Meat is part of an animal... usually. Who would want a dead, dried animal all over their goods?  Perhaps men don't really think about stuff like this.  Perhaps most "normal" people don't either.  But I digress (I seem to do that alot)...  Either way, the idea grosses me out.

I mean, I see the purpose is supposed to be along the idea of... grabbin' a snack... before you snack. Like "Yo lady, I heard you like snacks, so I made this snack so you can snack before you snack and while you snack"... or something.  Which would be great and all, but have you gnawed on a piece of beef jerky? I mean really. It's not like normal food where you can chomp it down in a few bites. It can take up to five minutes to chew through a small piece of beef jerky... so can you imagine how long it would take to gnaw this off your man so you can get to his goods for sexy fun time??  By the time you get the boys freed, I'm fairly certain you'll probably have lock jaw, and he's either passed out or terrified (more on that later).

"unneh... eye aww... eye 'ant o-en or ose eye awww!!"  (That is lock-jaw speak for "Hunny! My jaw!  I can't open or close my jaw!!!)

I imagine it's not very... "airy" either... so his junk by then is probably all sweaty and stuff by the time you eat through enough to get them off and get to the goods.  I suppose a plus is... hey his "goods" now taste like beef jerky instead of... normal more au naturale umm... flavoring??? So the amount of time this would take is also a factor, unless you have some sort of super top secret prototype chompers capable of devouring the toughest of beef jerky in a few easy bites... which brings me to the following...

Speaking of gnawing... (and this brings me to strike three) what man on earth would want a woman gnawing aggressively on this "brief jerky" contraption, trying to get it off while so close to his boys?  One wrong misplaced chomp? I dunno, but I'd be pretty nervous about someone chewing with that much force near my goods.  It may be difficult to actually "misbite" something, I don't know, but... you know what... I am going to save you from any farther emotional scarring by describing all of these crazy mental images I have.  I'm sure you may possibly be scarred enough as is, and I've already put way so much thought into this it even scares me! See how nice of a person I am?  Here I am suffering and I'm sparing you from doing any more of the same.